www.Tyjeski.com www.TeamAimless.com

A big shot attorney had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his staff. None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him.
The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, "I have to take your temperature." After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth. "No, I'm sorry, the nurse stated, "but for this reading, I can't use an oral thermometer."
This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his behind. After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, "I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!"
She leaves the door to his room open on her way out.

He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door, laughing. After a half hour, the man's doctor comes into the room. "What's going on here?" asked the doctor.
Angrily, the man answers, "What's the matter, Doc? Haven't you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?"
After a pause, the doctor confesses, "Not with a carnation."

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What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If:

A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top.

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You Just Might NOT Be a Biker If……

· If your scooter has more miles rolling to the bike shop to get chrome than to the local tavern to get a beer, you just might NOT be a biker.

· If you won’t drink a beer unless it has a lime in it, you just might NOT be a biker.

· If you think the term “ol lady” refers to the 75 year old battle ax that lives two houses down, you just might NOT be a biker.

· If you ever skipped a bike night because you didn’t have time to clean the scooter,

you just might NOT be a biker.

· If you toss out a t-shirt because it got an oil or grease stain, you just might NOT be a biker.

· If you get more excited watching your buddy flash his new chrome than his ol lady flashing her new tits, you just might NOT be a biker.

If the first anniversary of your new scooter comes before its 5000 mile service, you just

might NOT be a biker.

· If the bar you hang at serves drinks with umbrellas in them, you just might NOT be a biker.

· If you ever told your 'ol lady to “go put a bra on” because her t-shirt showed too much nipple, you just might NOT be a biker.

· If you and/or your ol lady walk around the bike show in chaps when it's 90 freaking

degrees outside, you just might NOT be a biker. (unless the ol lady just has a thong

on with her chaps of course)

· If you get offended by the gals dirty dancing with each other on top of the picnic table you are grubbing at, you just might NOT be a biker.

· If you have ever opted not to stop at a café or bar because there were scooters parked out front, you just might NOT be a biker.

· If you ever left the scooter at home because it was too much of a pain in the ass to move the cage out of the way, you just might NOT be a biker.

· If you would rather catch up on your reading than go for a putt, then you just might NOT be a biker.

· If you always make sure the ride ends early enough so that you have time to “clean the motorcycle”, then you just might NOT be a biker.

· If you only attend bike rallies that have RV hook-ups, you just might NOT be a biker.

· If you call the dealership to schedule your next oil change, you just might NOT be a biker.

· If you have your Harley t-shirts dry cleaned, you just might NOT be a biker.

· If you have ever chosen not to ride one day because it “might rain”, then you just might NOT be a biker.

· If you missed the Sturgis rally because your trailer was still in custom paint, you just might NOT be a biker.

· If you replace your scooter's rubber because of tire rot instead of tire wear, you just might NOT be a biker.

· If you get a “temporary” tattoo at the bike show, you just might NOT be a biker.

· If you have ever left a bar because of their poor wine selection, you just might NOT be

a biker.

· If your 2500 mile oil change only comes around every 6 months, you just might NOT be a biker.

· If you don’t have a tent and bed roll that straps on to your scooter, you just might NOT be a biker.

· If you ever saw a broke down biker and chose not to stop and help because he (or she) looked “SCARY”, you just might NOT be a biker.

· If you overhear a biker ask his bro how “Lizard” is and you think he is talking about his pet iguana, you might NOT be a biker.

· If your still trying to figure out why I keep referring to scooters instead of motorcycles, you just might NOT be a biker.

· If you are offended or confused by any of the above satire, YOU JUST MIGHT NOT BE A BIKER.

thanks to bikercrap.com (TY)

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